Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
