Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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