im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
