How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
