My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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