I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
