Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
