Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize