if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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