just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to have your abortion
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
