im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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