Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
