You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
