He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
