just come out here and I will go home with you...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I smell stomach acid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
