I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
