Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
