i don't like sucking hair
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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