I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
