the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize