I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
