I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
