Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
