why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just gift wrapped bread.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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