Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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