i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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