i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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