i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
