Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
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