weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
