Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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