Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
