someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
