It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
