I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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