the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
