So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
