Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
