Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this will be a night to untag.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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