dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
