There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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