But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
