Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
