The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
