You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
