I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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