This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
