So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
