my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
