She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
