the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
