I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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