This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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