I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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