girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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