So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
