Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
