No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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