i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize