What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
