there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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