Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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