just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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