I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
