She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
