So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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