weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
