no, he came in my armpit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
