my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
