Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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