Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry thatguy987 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

Fav 56 1743 2848
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

Fav 29 9117 1316
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.

(605): View more from South Dakota

Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.

Fav 1 1098 751
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?

Fav 0 27 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(812): View more from Indiana

With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?

Fav 0 15 60
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT