I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
