Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
