Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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