I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
