shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
