where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
