the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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