apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
