i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize