Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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